


Setting The Bar High

by arms_full_of_hyacinths



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Flirting, First Dates, Flirting, Food Porn, Kravitz needs to get out more, Multi, Romantic Fluff, Walk Into A Bar, alcohol use in a very responsible and situationally-appropriate way, any flirting involving Kravitz is awkward flirting, in which the tres horny boys own a bar and that's what they named the bar, not actual porn i swear, well maybe later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-15 22:28:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14799159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arms_full_of_hyacinths/pseuds/arms_full_of_hyacinths
Summary: Kravitz is a mortician who finds himself frequenting a certain open mic night. Just to kill time after work, of course. And maybe to relive his days at the conservatory. Definitely not because he’s falling for the charming elf who runs the kitchen behind the bar.Taako cooks at a seedy bar that occasionally lets talentless hacks assault his ears with glorified drunk karaoke. Except for that handsome new guy with the tie and the skull-shaped cufflinks. Honestly, Taako doesn’t think he’s half bad.





	1. Come Here Often

Kravitz wasn’t sure why he let himself be talked into it, but he assumed it had been Sloane’s idea. “You need to live a little!” she’d explained when she and Hurley had grabbed him on his way home from the mortuary. “I know honoring the dead is in service to the Raven Queen and all, but c’mon, Krav. You need to make some friends with beating hearts.”

She’d ignored Kravitz’s protests that he did have friends, which was understandable, since he’d meant Sloane and her wife. Sloane was dead-set on whisking him away to a night at the bar. He had looked to Hurley to rescue him, but as always, she and Sloane were conspiring against him as a team.

Kravitz could see where Sloane was coming from. Really, he could. Even he occasionally pictured himself as a lonely crypt-keeper, toiling into the night with only the dead to keep him company, and it was a depressing image. Still, The Tres Horny Boys hardly sounded like the kind of place Kravitz liked to spend his time. Not that he spend time in that many places outside of his apartment and the mortuary.

Ignoring his weak protests, Hurley and Sloane swept Kravitz out of the car, through the shadowy doorway, and into the rowdy haze of The Tres Horny Boys. The pair immediately spotted another couple sitting at a small table by the bar and rushed to greet them. Sloane introduced the two to Kravitz as Carey and Killian Fangbattle, and the four of them were quickly absorbed in conversation.

Kravitz turned his attention to the room itself, and found that it was cozier than he would have expected. The lighting was warm but dim, the tables and bar carved from a fine-grained dark wood, and nestled in one corner of the room was a small stage. A half-orc with his tie on backwards was sloppily crooning what might have been a love song a few shots before. Distracted by the performance, Kravitz almost missed the approaching waiter.

“What can I get for you today, sir?” the server chirped. Kravitz surveyed the boy’s newsboy cap, round glasses, and sweater vest. He looked like a middle-schooler. On the other hand, he seemed to know what he was doing, and none of the women at the table with him seemed surprised by the youthful staff. Kravitz decided that however old he was, it was too young to be legally serving alcohol.

“Just water for me, thank you,” he replied. The boy nodded, and scribbled a note on a pad of yellow paper.

“Anything from the kitchen?”

Killian slammed an elbow down on the table, ending the conversation she’d been so involved in, and Carey clapped her hands together. “I’m glad you asked, Angus,” Carey began, but Killian had already started in.

“We’ll take an order of wings for the table, and some mozzarella sticks, and that fried calamari with the breadcrumbs--”

“And four Sierra Nevada stouts, and also some sliders.”

“I’d love some jalapeno poppers,” Sloane added, and Hurley chimed in with an order of potato skins.

Killian cut back in, grinning at the young boy (Angus, apparently). “And an order of macarons.”

“Two orders of macarons,” Carey corrected, taking Killian’s hand. Killian leaned over to press a soft kiss to her cheek.

“You’re so right. Two orders for the table. Got all that, Angus?”

Angus nodded, still jotting down the order on his pad. “I’ll have it all right over, m’am.”

As he hustled back towards the bar, Kravitz leaned towards Sloane and mumbled: “Isn’t he a little young to be working here?”

She just waved a dismissive hand.

Carey turned towards Kravitz “Ango? At this point, he could probably own and operate the whole place. It’s a wonder the boys have come this far without running it into the ground, and I’m sure they’d go out of business without him. Merle serves the drinks anyway.” She gestured to a stout dwarf, daisies braided into his beard, who stood on a raised area behind the bar fiddling with a few bottles of floral infusions.

Sure enough, it was the dwarf who returned to the table with beers for the couples, as well as a frothy iced beverage for Kravitz. “Compliments of the chef,” he’d offered gruffly when Kravitz tried to protest. The drink was blended lemonade, infused with mint, and surprisingly refreshing. Kravitz decided he’d thank the chef when they left.

When the food arrived, piled high on a tray that wobbled with each of Angus’ tottering steps, Kravitz realized why the group had been so eager to order. For classic greasy bar food, it was insanely delicious. He found himself jokingly fighting with Carey for the last mozzarella stick. Sloane accused him of hoarding calamari. Kravitz really couldn’t believe nobody had ever mentioned the Tres Horny Boys to him before-- the ambiance was homey, the food was amazing, and the unorthodox staff had been relatively charming.

It wasn’t until Angus returned with two plates stacked with small cookies that Kravitz realized the full extent of what he had been missing. The macarons were exquisite. The cookies were a light lavender color, crispy on the outside, but light and chewy inside. Sandwiched between them was fresh whipped cream and a tart blackberry jam. Everyone at the table let out small noises of rapture as they bit into them, and Kravitz closed his eyes reflexively as he savored the last crumbs.

“My compliments to the chef,” he murmured to no one in particular.

Sloane suddenly looked up at him, her teeth bared in a wide grin. “That’s a great idea! Why don’t you go say hi to Taako?”

“Oh, well, I don’t--” Kravitz tried to demur, but Killian was already pushing him up and out of his seat.

“Yeah, get over there! He could probably use the company.”

Hurley was nodding. “Tell him we say hi.”

With a wave, Sloane directed him towards the window to one side of the bar. Kravitz thought he heard her giggle as she called after him: “Watch yourself, Krav, he’s a real charmer!”


	2. I Find You A-Peeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz gives his compliments to the chef, and the chef gives his compliments right back.

Kravitz approached the kitchen with trepidation. Seeking out social interaction wasn’t exactly his forte, and he wasn’t sure what he should say. Still, it really had been an exceptional meal, especially for a dive bar that he’d never heard advertised anywhere.

“Excuse me?” He leaned into the window to the kitchen, and spotted the slim figure of an elf dicing tomatoes. Probably the Taako that Sloane had mentioned. “Hello?”

The figure twirled around, knife still in hand, and Kravitz’s eyes widened as the elf faced him. He was absolutely gorgeous. His emerald eyes were fringed with dark lashes, and his mouth curled into a mischievous smile. Soft blonde hair was piled into a tight bun on his head. Thin gold hoops dangled from his ears, and his cheeks were speckled with light freckles. His shirt read ‘Kiss the Cook’. 

“What’s shakin’, bacon?” the elf asked, arching an eyebrow. 

Kravitz had to take a moment to center himself. He’d approached the kitchen to thank the chef, not to ogle him. “I, uh, I wanted to say thank you. For the drink.”

“Hey, no problemo!” Setting down the knife, Taako wrapped a curl of hair around his finger as he considered Kravitz. “So, you’re Sloane and Hurley’s guy? They mentioned a few nights back they might bring you by.”

Kravitz nodded, distracted by the movements of Taako’s long fingers as he twisted the loose strands back up into his bun. “Kravitz. Pleased to meet you.”  
“The pleasure’s all mine. Well, what’d you think of that lemonade, my guy? Good or what?”

“Good. Really good! The food was delicious as well.” Kravitz felt his mouth stretch into a grin at the pleased chuckle Taako let out. He got the feeling not a lot of the bar’s patrons took the time to walk over and thank him directly.

“Well, I’d fuckin’ hope so! I made it. That food is art, painted with knives and fryer grease by my favorite artist. Taako. That’s me, you know, from--” he paused for a moment. “From the Tres Horny Boys kitchen.”

“It’s a distinguished title,” Kravitz declared, leaning into a mock bow.

“Is that sarcasm I detect?” A smirk found its way onto the elf’s face, and Taako rested his chin on his fist, eyes trained on Kravitz.

“What? Never.” Kravitz found himself smothering laughter as Taako rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. “It’s quite a nice place.”

Raising a hand to point towards the stage, Taako’s smirk widened: “Except for tonight’s featured musical guest, am I right?”

Kravitz shrugged, glancing up at the half-orc still slurring into the microphone. “An open mic’s not a bad idea in theory.”

Taako snorted. “Listen, handsome,” he began, and Kravitz tried to muffle a strangled noise of surprise, “the whole open mic idea was all Mags and Merle. Most of these posers are talentless hacks, and the rest are too hammered to figure out which side of a microphone to sing into. Not Taako’s style, if you get me.”

“Sounds like torture,” Kravitz sympathized. The man onstage was waving his arms from side to side in a crude approximation of the hula.

Taako leaned across the counter, his voice a conspiratorial murmur: “I bet you could put on a better show. You’ve already got them beat in the face department, my fella.”

Kravitz’s heart actually skipped a beat. Of course, the elf was just trying to be charming. From Sloane’s warning, Kravitz surmised that Taako probably pulled the same thing on every customer he interacted with. He couldn’t help smiling all the same.

“Th-thank you, Taako.” He took a steadying breath in. “If looks were the guide for musical talent, I’m sure you’d be a show-stopper.”

In the moment of silence that followed, Kravitz found himself unable to meet Taako’s eyes, and explanations began to bubble up in his throat. “Not to say, of course, that you aren’t talented, I really don’t—“ 

Taako hushed him with a bright laugh, and when he looked back up he could have sworn the elf’s ears had flushed a light pink. “It’s all good, bubuleh. I’m flattered! But you know ch’boi prefers to dazzle ‘em in the kitchen.” This time, when Taako leaned across the counter towards him, he let one of his slim hands rest on Kravitz’s forearm. Kravitz tried not to shiver at the sudden warmth of Taako’s fingers. “Really, though. Are you into music?”

All Kravitz could manage was a one-sided shrug, fearful of displacing the elf’s palm from his arm. “You could say that. I, uh, attended a conservatory for a while. Not that cello lends itself especially well to the bar scene.”

The elf bubbled with laughter, and Kravitz tried not to focus too hard on the hand that still hadn’t moved away. “I getcha! On the other hand, you could really class up the place. Then we’d have to bring in some better lighting, and waitstaff that isn’t Ango. It’d be a whole thing.”

“Well, maybe. But I would hate to compromise its character.”

Taako rolled his eyes again, but his lips were still quirked upwards into a smile. “Let’s be honest, my guy-- this place doesn’t have much character to compromise.”

Kravitz couldn’t help grinning like a fool in return. “Well, you’re quite the character.”

“Thanks, I think?” The elf raised an eyebrow. “That sounds like something my grandpa would say, and I’m not sure if it’d be a compliment or an insult.”

“It was meant as a compliment.” Damn, he was out of his depth.

Still, Taako preened at the reassurance. “You flatter me, bubuleh! But getting back on track: that’s your shtick? You party rock it on the cello?”

“I was in a band for a while, actually,” Kravitz added. “I can play guitar.”

At that, Taako hummed, eyeing the man onstage as he finally wrapped up his third song of the night, to a chorus of jovial calls for no encore. The elf was clearly considering something. Finally, he turned back to Kravitz, and let the fingers gingerly resting on his arm splay out and slide to grab his wrist. He would rather have died than admit it, but Kravitz almost shivered at the touch. “Feel like going up there and putting on a show, my guy? The kitchen gets boring on solo shifts.”

The words slipped out before Kravitz’s starstruck brain could process them. “I’ll see what I can do to keep you entertained.” 

Taako’s hand squeezed his arm as the elf smiled brilliantly, and once again, Kravitz couldn’t stop himself from grinning back. “Knock ‘em dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy pride month everyone!!! Had fun writing these two cuties, and I hope you enjoyed their semi-awkward flirt-fest. Any song requests to inspire Kravitz's performance in the next chapter? As always, kudos and reviews are hugely appreciated! Thanks so much to my beta @Juuzous_Mother for her editing, and to her and @BoldlyGone1 for the reviews! Virtual hugs and cookies to everyone who left kudos on the last chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Just attended the TAZ meetup at Fanime, and thought I'd try and push this first chapter out in honor of that! It's a bit short, but really more of an introduction to the AU setup. Yes, you just went through the whole first chapter of a Taakitz fic without any of that sweet sweet Taako time. Next chapter will be all Taako all the time. Kudos and reviews are very much appreciated!!


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